I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.
~Leo Buscaglia~
Janette Scudere, born July 11, 1930 a loving wife, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, aunt, friend. She was the mother to five children, grandmother to eleven and great grandmother to six.
While the love of her life, her soulmate and partner Ralph, our father, was the face of this branch of the Scudere clan, in the early years Mom was the chief of staff who made sure the clothes were clean, meals were made, homework was completed and everyone got to bed when they were supposed to. Later in life, when Mom went back to work, the domestic load was more evenly distributed. But, Mom was always the silent wind beneath everyone’s wings. Every morning, as we would go off to school, her final words were always “do your best” and we all strove to do so. As we grew and had the typical trials and tribulations incumbent with growing up, Mom always seemed to know the appropriate form of encouragement; be it a hug and pat on the back or a figurative kick in the butt.
Mom was an excellent cook, her meatballs, just one of many excellent dishes that were in her repertoire, were often specifically requested at potlucks. For myself it was “School boy Oatmeal raisin cookies” she made a batch that were waiting for me when I got home from my very first day of school and a batch was almost always waiting for me when I came into town to visit. It didn’t help my waistline much, but boy they were great with a cup of coffee.
Mom also had a great appreciation for music reflected by the fact that all five children learned to play at least one musical instrument and for two it became a part of their professional adult lives. She always made sure that “Santa” always left at least one musical gift as we were growing up. While she did not get the opportunity to attend college, she always had a thirst for knowledge and the desire to express herself through writing which she did through participating in several creative writing groups at different times in her life.
She was married for 54 years to her soul mate Ralph. While my father was a terrible tease, and my mother had a good sense of humor, she also had enough steel in her for him to know when to stand down when he had pushed her buttons too many times. But, nothing was ever very tense for very long as we have never been a group to hold grudges, and laughter typical rang out shortly thereafter. Mom and Dad, through their affections and relationship with each other taught us kids that the basis for all good relationships, beyond love, is the fundamental respect of one another and the ability to find common ground as they wound their way through life.
My relationship, as the child who lived away from the rest of the family, simply due to the quirks of fate as to how each person’s life pans out, my perspective on Mom and Dad is probably just a little different from my siblings as my relationship with my folks was primarily over the phone. For almost 40 years every couple of weeks we would get on the phone for a couple of hours catch up on what was going on and solve some of the world problems. While Mom would work to get a word in edgewise, it can be a challenge when two Scudere’s are debating at full bore.
When Dad passed it hit Mom really hard but it also gave me the opportunity to learn and understand more about Mom as a person than I had previously had a chance to. It was during this time that she became a hero to me. As she worked through her grief it often times hurt to see her hurting so, but there were really no words that could adequately assuage the pain. I’d listen, as would my brother and sisters, and we would talk and she would cry and we would go onto the next day. One day, after many months, she told me “I’m getting tired of crying” at which point I knew that if she was getting tired then soon she would stop. It didn’t mean that she missed Dad any less but it did mean that she had decided she had more life to live and she did so. We celebrated her 80th birthday with a large party and later that same summer she came to Tennessee to attend the NASCAR race my company sponsored. As a sponsor we had a suite from which we watched the race and all of the people couldn’t have been nicer. She said she felt like a princess. She became active in creative writing, chair yoga and book club for a time and her house was in a nearly constant state of having one project or another in process when I visited.
Sadly, as with all of us at some point, father time catches up with you and Mom was no different. The last year and a half was particularly tough on her, yet she was always happy to hear a familiar voice on the other end of the phone and always closed her calls with all of us with a prayer for our family. She was both very proud and very thankful for the family she and Dad raised and felt blessed that we all truly enjoyed being with each other as much as we do.
Our mother, my hero, is loved and will be missed by all those who called her Mom, grandma, gg aunt and friend.
The following is the eulogy my sister, Maria, delivered at Mom’s service. While striking on similar themes, she did a much better job of placing my mother in a much broader perspective as to her affect on her world than I. So, I though I would update and share as a further honoraria to our mother:
Janette Elizabeth Park Scudere, born and raised in Illinois was known as The Tiger of Grand Ave. A spitfire who knew what she wanted and was willing to stand up for herself and others in the name of justice, traits that she carried throughout her life. Family was always most important to her, and we have many tales of loving aunts, uncles and cousins from mom’s childhood. As a young woman she was quite adventurous, working to earn money for her own car, traveling with her friends and enjoying music, dancing,theater and life as a single woman.
As a young girl my mother planted spaghetti and red socks in her backyard with the hope that she could grow a garden of her favorite things. It would seem that this was a failed effort as they did not take root. However In 1954 she married the love of her life, her knight in shining armor, a handsome young italian american, Ralph Scudere and began her journey as wife and mother. A journey which included a weekly Sunday meal of spaghetti and meatballs. Then, in 1975 we moved to Massachusetts, home of the Red Sox, and she realized, with great laughter, that her dreams had been realized.
Mom was an excellent cook and prided herself on providing nutritious and delicious meals to her family as well as baking special treats for special occasions. As we moved on to our own independent lives she remembered our favorites and prepared them for us when she knew we were coming to visit serving up love on a plate. She was always willing to share her recipes and give tips on how to recreate her delicious feasts. Mom, like her father, also loved gadgets and showed great ingenuity as a handywoman often coming up with surprisingly creative solutions to problems encountered around the house.
Mother’s midwestern sensibility guided her throughout her life and she instilled those values in each of us: honesty above all else, accepting people as they are and treating them with respect and dignity, honoring your commitments and promises, extending help to those in need and putting your best effort forth in each of your endeavors. Mom had high expectations that each of her children maintain these standards, and she could be tough, but ultimately she revealed her love and tender heart. She was both very proud and fiercely protective of the family she and my father raised and felt blessed that we all truly enjoyed being with each other as we gathered for holidays and family celebrations. She loved her grandchildren and great grandchildren dearly and was thrilled at the announcement of every new addition to the family.
Throughout her life Mom always looked for opportunities to improve herself, including completing a correspondence course in journalism, spending many hours practicing typing, not her favorite activity, and taking a Dale Carnegie course to conquer her fear of public speaking. Her hope was to advance her career at the telephone company to move from her long time position of telephone operator. Her persistence and effort paid off and she ended her career with a coveted administrative position within the company.
Upon retirement Mom and Dad were able to spend time in their beloved Illinois reunited with the family and friends of their youth. After many years of hard work, it was wonderful to see them enjoying their time together. When Dad passed there were really no words that could adequately ease Mom’s pain and it often hurt to see her grief. Still, she did not bow down and continued to celebrate family events, joined a writing club, a garden club and attended chair yoga, in recognition that life was going to continue despite her pain. Finally, she brought her beloved dog Ava into her life as a trusted companion. In her actions she continued to provide an example of strength of will and spiritual commitment.
The last two years have been particularly tough on Mom as her body became frail and her perceptions changed. But even in these conditions she persisted, lighting up with a smile whenever family or friends stopped by for a visit, maintaining her fashion standards with coordinated outfits, jewelry and makeup, and writing everyday to strengthen her memory. In these past few months her creative energies continued to flow including developing a cartoon logo for her planned craft cooperative and writing the first few paragraphs of a mystery novel which left those who read it wanting more. In the last several months, at the end of each visit and phone call she would bless us with her own special prayer, which I now offer to you:
Dear God,
Thank you for our wonderful family. 100% Italian American and Heinz 57, 300 years of genealogy. As Noah says he learned in Italy, the Italians can be very loud and I’m glad we have a very happy and loud Italian Family that has such a good time when the family gets together.
Please bless our family and keep them, and everyone they know, safe in any mode of transportation. If there is an accident, please keep my family safe and away from it.
Please bless us with a good night’s sleep so we can wake up happy and ready to face another day, giving it our very best effort.
Bless us so we find work that we love to do so it doesn’t feel like a job because the best kind of work is when you are doing something you love. Then it doesn’t feel like work.
Sweet Dream, Amen.
Mom, thank you for your excellent example of a life well lived, your guidance, your prayers and most of all for the great love that we will carry in our hearts for the rest of our days.
Folks, my mother passed Labor Day morning. This page is my meager attempt to pay homage to the memory of a lovely and loving woman.
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